acceptance and being in your thirties

I mentioned something to a friend the other week over brunch. We were both taking comfort in omelettes and home fries and telling each other our woes. A cathartic moment complete with eggs and potatoes. My favorite kind.

The conversation came down to this. Life is tough right now. When this happens, we find ourselves wishing we were in our twenties again. Being in your twenties. For most, there is such meaning in this phrase. It breathes and pulses with meaning, in your twenties. It is a time of its own, this decade that takes you from childhood to adulthood in a short ten years.

But what I said to her is that I wouldn't go back to being in my twenties again. Ever.

While there is plenty to love about being that young I found that the growing pains were, well, painful. Wonderful things happened to me (most importantly, meeting and marrying husband) but never again do I wish to go back to a time where I was so uncertain about myself.

It isn't being in my twenties that I miss. It is more that being in your thirties brings a lingering feeling that we are somehow supposed to feel like adults. You could even say there is a shift in what is perceived as acceptable. Alcohol fueled nights, crawling into bed without washing your face, kicking off shoes to walk barefoot on a dirty sidewalk, only filling your gas tank up halfway because you don't have enough money to fill it up all the way, not knowing what you want to do with your life… those are the acceptable things of your twenties.

But what happens when you are past the age where these things are the norm?

The thing is, life is rife with mistakes. Stops and starts. Re-tries and do-overs. There isn't a magic wand that waves over you when you pass age 29 that instantly pulls your life together. You won't instantly feel like an uber-adult and you won't instantly stop making mistakes when it comes to your life. And some of that uncertainty still rears up now and again. But what is different, at least for me, is the acceptance that life is going to be shit sometimes. And acceptance that it won't stay that way. And most of all, acceptance that a shit situation doesn't mean that you are doing a shitty job living your life. Just because your life is a bit of a mess doesn't mean you are a mess of a person. And just because you haven't quite figured out the ever important "what you want to be when you grow up" doesn't mean that you won't some day. And that, my friends, is ok.

Even on a bad day, even when I feel ugly, or that I can't get my act together, or that I am awkward in social situations I accept that I'm just having a bad day. That's all it is. Acceptance. That is why I like being in my thirties.

As a side note, if you are in your twenties right now then dear sweet baby jesus please go act that way. Don't try to rush it. Be stupid. Make mistakes. Dance on tabletops. Make a frivolous purchase on your credit card. Life goes on, it really does. I realize that being 32 doesn't qualify as a "ripe old age" but making it out of my twenties relatively unscathed does make me a little older and a little wiser.