when your egg-o is preggo

So I feel like I should write some things down about being pregnant because I heard a) you block everything out after the whole thing is done and b) mommy brain is way worse than pregnancy brain and I won't remember any of the details. Let me start off by saying that pregnancy is different for everyone because every woman's body is different and every baby is different. Some people love being pregnant and others not so much. 

Here are some things I'd like any ladies planning to be mamas someday to know about being pregnant:

• Hormones are a bitch. Crying will occur.
• There will be days that you will want to eat everything in sight. Other days you will have no interest in food. But there will most likely be one food that always tastes good. Too bad that ice cream has no nutritional value.
• You will have at least one experience where you tear everything out of your closet in a mad panic trying to get dressed in the morning before work because your pre-preggo clothes no longer fit. You might contemplate wearing one of your husband's dress shirts. Don't do it. But do put a hair tie around the button of your regular jeans to make them fit.
• Some days you will feel beautiful and womanly and other days you will just feel plain ol' fat.
• Cankles happen. They suck. A little crying may occur
• Yes, you will have to pee a lot. And in your third trimester you'll often haul yourself to the bathroom, get back to your desk/seat/couch and realize almost immediately that you have to go again.
• When your body really starts to change you might have a mini breakdown in the dressing room at Destination Maternity or in the maternity section of Target. Give that maxi dress the finger and move on. Tomorrow you will feel better.
• At some point you will feel like you are not going to be a good mother. Yes, crying will occur.
• People will stare at you.
• Shaving your bikini line will become nothing short of a gymnastic feat.
• At times you will think there is an alien living inside of you. Especially when your kid is throwing elbows at you. 
• Warn your husband. Even the most mild mannered of women will grow horns and breathe fire a few times during the nine months. He'll say something stupid. Or he'll look at you funny. Or he won't look at you. Or he'll breathe too loud. Or, really, he'll just happen to be sitting in the same room as you. It won't be pretty. All you can do is apologize afterwards.
• Your to-do list will seem infinite. More crying could occur.
• Towards the end, getting up out of bed will make you feel like a beetle stuck on its back.
• You might not get beautiful pregnant lady hair and glowing skin. You will feel gipped.

Now, with all that said you probably think I am one of those people who does not like being pregnant. In fact, the opposite is true. I happen to love it. I like having a little friend with me all the time. I am in awe of the fact that my body is capable of doing this; so much so that sometimes it seems like a little miracle. Nothing beats feeling your baby move inside of you. Really, I think this whole pregnancy thing is pretty damn cool. It is not always a walk in the park, but it is pretty damn cool.

My advice? Make sure you are going on this journey with a good man (or partner). It makes all the difference. Just when you think you can't love your person more than you already do, he will read Goodnight Moon to the baby in your belly and you will almost keel over with love and joy.

Just watch out for that crying.